“I Never Had This Much Expectation of Myself”: Interrupting Cycles of Violence Through Mutual Connection 

Odell Wilson, NP Community Peacebuilder & part-time basketball coach/mentor

It could’ve ended in a fight. On the street, it could’ve ended with an arrest. Or worse. But on the court, it ended with a deep breath and a walk away — because someone believed in them enough to hold the line. This is what happens when we give young people more than just rules — when we give them a reason to rise, and the support to carry that growth into every part of their lives. 

It always starts with something simple. A moment in a game. A side conversation. A kid pulling me aside asking for help keeping his cool. And it builds from there — these real bonds we’ve made over months of coaching and mentoring, where basketball isn’t just basketball. It’s how we talk about life. It's how we interrupt cycles of violence. 

One game, some boys on our team were caught in a heated interaction with a player from the opposing side. The ref stepped in — but in a way that felt stacked against them. They saw it as more than just a call on the court. To them, it was life playing out in real time: no matter what happens, it’s always us who get blamed. That belief — that the world is against them — is something they carry, and this moment threatened to prove them right again. 

But instead of escalating, they sprinted across the court to me. They said, “Can you talk to me real quick? I’m trying to stay calm because I want to keep playing.” That moment meant everything. They were choosing to pause, to regulate, to ask for support. In our workshops, we’ve practiced just that — using breathing techniques, body awareness, and peer support to get back into our window of tolerance. It’s that space where you can think clearly, stay grounded, and respond rather than react. Seeing them apply those skills on the court — in the heat of it — shows it’s sticking. 

They could’ve been thrown out of the game. And in another context — on the street, in school, in the wrong moment with the wrong person — it could’ve led to something way worse: a fight, a suspension, an arrest, a permanent mark that follows them. That’s how quickly things can escalate for kids who are already seen as a threat. But this time, they trusted me enough to bring it down. 

That’s the thing — when we hold each other to higher standards together, they carry that with them off the court too. It’s not just about avoiding trouble in a game. It’s about learning how to interrupt a cycle that’s waiting for them everywhere else — and choosing something different. 

Another time, one of our boys broke down after a game. Because he didn’t perform how he thought he should. His tears were frustration and disappointment in himself. He said, “I never had this much expectation of myself until I started being under you and Coach.” Before this, he didn’t care. Now, he does. That shift — having standards, wanting to meet them, holding yourself accountable — that’s the work. That’s what stops cycles of violence: not just avoiding bad behavior, but believing you’re capable of something better. 

And we’re seeing it off the court too. One of the kids came up to me, proud. “I just want to let you know I’m on the honor roll this semester.” I hadn’t promised anything major — just told him I’d celebrate with him if he could bring his grades up. And now he’s showing me his certificate, asking for a picture with it. He wants that proof. That reminder of who he’s becoming. 

Word’s starting to spread in the community. People are noticing that these kids are keeping their grades up, staying out of trouble, and showing real commitment to their future. The work we’re doing in youth peacebuilding is making a difference. And now, more than ever, the community is asking us to keep pushing forward, to keep supporting these kids as they prove to themselves and others what they’re capable of. 

This is what happens when we show up for kids as people — when we see them not as numbers or case files, but as humans with stories, setbacks, and unbelievable potential. They start showing up for themselves — and each other — in a different way. They start building new cycles. 

And I can’t make that up.